Tasty Chicago

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I’ve been anticipating Goldyburgers for a long time. There are a few reasons for this.

1. My bro-in-law, a savvy eater and keen appreciator of the finest cuisine, says it’s great.
2. It usually ranks high on burger lists. In fact, it gets ranked numero uno (Spanish for #1) by AOL City Guide.
3. It gets generally good reviews. Check out Centerstage and Yelp. I couldn’t find it on Metromix though. If it’s there, let me know.

So one fine Saturday night, I head out to the Western ‘burbs with my wife and mother-in-law to visit the aforementioned bro-in-law. He suggests heading over to Forest Park and dining at Goldyburgers (7316 Circle Avenue) and gets no argument from me.

It’s all neighborhood pub, make no bones about it. When we walked in, I was a little concerned that my wife and mother-in-law weren’t going to like the atmosphere, but they loved it. And the burgers, well, they rocked.

Pictured above is the patty melt, done medium. It was exceptional. If someone asked me to put together a list, it would be second only Tavish. The best feature of the Goldyburger is probably the burger-to-bun ratio. Look at that picture again, you are witnessing a ratio of probably one to one. They achieve this despite only using a half pound of beef. That’s an impressive feat. Remember, Tavish did it by pushing the size of the burger well past a half pound. Goldyburgers does it by decreasing the circumference of the half-pound of beef and fitting it on to a slightly smaller than average bun (or slice of dark rye).

They executed it just about perfectly. I say “just about” because I don’t think they dropped the patty melt into a buttered skillet. I thought that was standard for a patty pelt, but maybe I’m wr…wro..wrong, although I doubt it. But this did not detract much from my enjoyment. It was a fine conglomeration of beef. I’m guessing it was a combo of ground chuck and ground round. It was juicy and full o’ flavor.

They have a lot of burger options on the menu. Besides the patty melt, our table had the mushroom and Swiss burger and the bleu cheese burger. Everybody at the table was extremely satisfied. They have plenty of beer choices and several wines. It’s a great, friendly neighborhood pub and an absolute must if you consider yourself a burger connoisseur.

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Yes, that’s a styrofoam plate. What, are you surprised that someone with my taste and style would eat from anything but fine china? I didn’t think so. I can’t fool you intelligent reader people. You know that fine china doesn’t matter to me. I care about taste, texture, atmosphere, fast cars, and fast wom…wait, just kidding about those last two things. Let’s talk about this burger.

My wife and I had just walked 18 holes so we were running a calorie deficit the size of Texas. We needed food, and we needed it fast. So we headed to the Hackney’s on Harms on this beautiful summer evening, figuring that they would have no problem fitting two people in with that massive outdoor patio they have. Wow, I was wrong. It was packed, I’m talking jam-packed. No parking spots, people milling around all over the place, cars parked on the street, dogs and cats living together. ‘Twas a nuthouse. So we left.

We hit Meiers Tavern at 235 West Lake in Glenview. We were a little nervous as we pulled up because the tavern was dead. We figured it would have pulled in some of the Hackney’s overflow, but there were only about 10 cars in the lot. However, I didn’t let this discourage me, I had heard good things about the place so I convinced my wife to accompany me. It was that, or she could wait in the car. Ha, just kidding.

The burger was great. A little small, but done right and with good flavor. They put plenty of American cheese on it and the grilled onions were buttery and flavorful. The bun was toasted nicely, I think they actually stuck it in the oven for a little because even the top was toasty. Nice touch.

The atmosphere is all bar. I get the feeling that people come here primarily to drink beer. The good burger is just a bonus. This suits me just fine. My wife was not quite as impressed and she struggled a little with the atmosphere, but she enjoyed her chicken sandwich. It helped that I was really nice to her for being such a trooper. I even offered to stop at Dairy Queen on the way home for a malt but she declined.

Great place, just know that it is a bar and you’re not going to get ceramic plates.

Come with me. We’re going to the pinnacle of Mount Burger (fictional place that exists only in my head where every burger is perfectly done and you can have them for three meals a day without feeling any ill health effects).

Don’t be afraid, take my hand. C’mon, it’s on Wrightwood (1335 West), just east of Southport. It’s not far, don’t worry. It’s called Tavish, and ’tis a special place, where you’ll find the best burger in Chicago by a mile, based on my experience.

This thing is huge. I want to say 10 ounces, cooked! It’s hand-formed, and the guy that waited on us (I think it was the chef) says he doesn’t know how much it weighs. He did confide that when it’s done, it’s easily over a half pound. I agree. The size really optimizes the burger-to-bun ratio. Look at that, we are talking a burger-to-bun ratio of around one to one. You just don’t see that very often, which is sad. I’m sold on it now. To think that I used to prefer a 1/3 pounder…what was I thinking?

The hand-formed aspect is also very important. It gives it that randomness that I find so desirable. There are gaps and varying thicknesses all over the place. I get it with grilled onions and American cheese. The gaps and voids pull in the melted cheese and juice from the grilled onions. Each bite brings a different sensation of cheese, grilled onions, meat, and bun. Every burger gets its own love and no experience ever repeats itself.

Finally, I think I heard the chef say he combines multiple meats in this burger (ahh, the triumvirate). There has to be some combo of ground sirloin, ground round, and ground chuck, but I don’t have a clue to the ratio. It’s lean, but not as dry and crumbly as you average ground sirloin burger, and it has all the flavor and moistness of a ground beef burger. With this one, I was just chomping along, loving it of course. And then I got one bite that had this special burst of charred meat flavor. I think a hunk of the ground sirloin was packed together on one of the edges and it pulled away from the rest of the burger in one piece. It was a special flavor burst that made the experience especially enjoyable.

If somebody says “my favorite burger is” somewhere other than Tavish. You need to ask, “ever been to Tavish?” If they say no; you say bullshit! It’s that simple.

You know I love Hackney’s. I also love Blackies, Poag Mahone’s, and Green Door Tavern. I’ve had them all multiple times and they are giants on Mount Burger, but they will never reach the heights of Tavish. Poag Mahone’s brags about their 9 ounce burger (I bet they mean pre-cooked), but the Tavish burger is one or two weight classes up, so it wouldn’t even be a fair fight if they decided to throw down.

However, I’m willing to leave open that one of the thousand other places I’ve not been is better. There’s still Naha, Erwin, and Rosebud Steakhouse to try. I sincerely hope they are better, I really do. I plan on trying them all and I will keep you posted.

Let me just suggest this, go to Tavish before you proclaim your top burger, or you run that risk of looking like an idiot who doesn’t know jack-squat about burgers.

This is the Patty Melt from Hackney’s in Wheeling (241 S. Milwaukee, Wheeling). Just in case you don’t know what a Patty Melt is, it’s a hamburger patty, American cheese, and grilled onions, on dark rye bread. Oh yeah, one more thing, when it’s all put together, the whole thing gets fried lightly on both sides in a pan or on the grill, with a little butter of course. If memory serves, I think the cost was $9.45 for the half pound version (can’t round that up to $10, smart…very smart).

I’ve stared at this picture and I think the colors are a little washed out. I may need to mess with my camera settings or something. This burger was not done as well as it looks, it was just right (on the medium side of medium well). Yes, I do order my burgers medium well, because I prefer them hot. I know, all of you food snobs are thinking that I’m some sort of caveman. But this one was actually done perfectly for my taste…but then again, I have a wide band of satisfaction when it comes to burgers.

Hackney’s is a suburban hamburger institution with one downtown location. All total, there are six of them. The food is great, service always perfect, and they have a few outdoor patios that are a must for summer dining. In fact, the Hackney’s on Harms is definitely one of the top outdoor dining spots in Chicagoland.

At times, when something inspires me, I like to haiku. I wrote the one below in a moment of joyous reflection after this dining experience:

dark Rye catches my eye
golden Cheese glistening with grilled Onion juice –
me belly beckons, tasty friend

This is the Burger Wrap from The Bar on Buena in Buena Park, on 910 W. Buena. No, I’m not trying to set the record for “most times using Buena in a sentence,” that’s just how it works. This is quite an original twist on the burger for $8 at a great neighborhood pub and eatery (P&E). It was good, and you could tell if you were there because I didn’t talk much while I shoveled it in. It’s a generous helping of crumbled burger, cheddar cheese, some bacon, and guacamole. And even though the fries are positioned slightly behind the Burger Wrap in this picture, they don’t take a back seat to any foodstuffs because they are perfectly done.

In the interest of full disclosure, a friend of mine has a stake in this place. That won’t affect my take on it, but you should know, because if you haven’t recognized it already, there is some serious journalism happening here.

You want beer? They have a massive beer selection. It includes both bottles and beer on tap; they are grouped by country and each has its own glass. That could be why Metromix describes the place as having a “European quaintness.” If what they mean is that “you feel like you’re in Europe because regular humans there cherish each glass of beer in the same way that a sommelier cherishes a glass of wine.” Well then, Metromix is spot on old chap (I say that last part in my head with a British accent).

When I first stepped foot in this place, it felt like someone punched me in the jaw with a fist labeled “friendly neighborhood pub,” which probably looked something like this:

I mean this in a good way. It’s the kind of place that you go to because you’re hungry or thirsty and you want to talk with some friends, without the normal distractions of pub life. I was there on a Thursday night and the place was full, but there was no loud music to shout over and I never once thought “where is the wait staff?” It works, and it works well.

Wow, I love burger cross-sections. This is the burger from Cullen’s (3741 N. Southport), called the Saloon Burger, done medium well, with American cheese and grilled onions. It’s a good, solid entree by any measure and will cost you $9.50.

It’s half pounder, but I think that means pre-cooked, which is fine. At medium-well, it was still a flavorful, juicy burger, albeit a little “corporate.” By corporate, I mean the burger was perfectly round in its form. Now, this could be because they have a drill sergeant in the kitchen saying things like “you muss make ze burgers perfectly rount” - I say that in my head with a German accent. Or, they could be purchasing them by the stack from a local meat packer. I’d like to think it was the former, but even if it was purchased pre-formed, it was from a local, fresh, quality meat packer because it’s a good burger.

The bun is really nice. Very fluffy, so even though the burger to bun ratio looks to be around one to three, it does not overwhelm the burger. The bun is toasted or popped into an oven of some sort because it’s slightly warmed, with a crispy outside. Very nice, actually.

Now, I don’t know about the math you’re using, but if I were rounding $9.50 to the nearest dollar, it would be $10. So let’s ground ourselves; you better have a damn good burger if you are going to hit double digits in a bar! We know that the Miller Beer Police will revoke your license to sell Miller if you’re going to charge $11.50 for a burger, so Cullen’s must know that they are treading on some serious ground here (cryptic, but this comment relates to a Miller Beer commercial shown mostly during NFL games). You’re paying a little extra for a great atmosphere, a perfect Guinness pour, wait staff with Irish accents, an extensive menu, and one of the trendiest neighborhoods in town. I’ll be back, because I want to try the Buffalo Chicken sandwich, which a member of my party said was great, and the Steak Frites with blue cheese butter, which also sounds great.